Cloak and Dagger

I would venture to say that most marriages operate by the “cloak and dagger” method.  What I mean by this is that one’s honest feelings, thoughts, motivations are more often than not “cloaked’ from the partner.  There can be many justifications assigned to this withholding behavior.  Not wanting to ‘hurt’ the other’s feelings, fearing their reaction, convincing oneself that it is no big deal, prejudging one’s own feelings… are but a few of the ways to convince oneself to hide from the relationship.  And all these “reasons” are no more than elaborate justifications to not be honest, vulnerable or take responsibility for the truth. This very “cloaking” then sets up the resultant “dagger”.  This may eventually come in the form of simmering resentment over time, or further withdrawal, or explosive anger, or a mutitude of other behaviors that act out whatever hasn’t been said directly.
Thus to “cloak” one’s truth from ones partner makes one accountable for setting up the “dagger”.  The stab back is just waiting to happen.  There is inherent and inevitable violence in the withholding.  And the payoff for this?  to maintain control, uphold an image of oneself held dear, to bolster a superior position, to avoid vulnerability…   Remember that the “cloak” serves a selfish purpose.  Best to delve into this before the “dagger” is already in hand.
How do you “cloak”?  How do you then use the “dagger” against your loved ones?