How well do you really listen to your partner?  Would they say they feel truly heard?

Listening seems like a simple, passive, everyday occurence that we give little thought to.  However, real listening requires something much more from us.  What I am talking about is the deep, intentional act of being open to hearing deeply, allowing the other’s words to penetrate us, to fully absorb what is being said.  Real listening requires the absence of one’s own agenda, interpretation, judgement.  Real listening is an act of love.

Notice how often you enter into a conversation attached to an outcome.  Are you building a case for a certain point of view while you are supposedly listening?  Is the framework with which you enter into dialogues one of winning or losing?  How oftern do you assume what the other person is going to say?  How often do you just tune him/her out entirely, pretending that you are listening when you are not?

Real listening conveys the importance of the other person.  It is relational.  There is a genuine interest in creating a bridge between self and other.  Inherent in this form of connecting is the possibility for discovering something new, exploring something meaningful, having a sacred meeting between two human beings.

Beginning to see that the absence of deep listening is but one manifestation of not loving one’s partner is beginning to look more deeply into oneself.